Confronting Conflict With Friends

By understanding attachment responses to conflict and practicing healthy habits around conflict communication, friendships can survive, and even thrive, in even the most turbulent situations. “These are what we refer to as your ‘low risk’ or ‘safe’ people,” Sagaram says—the ones who are most likely to respond with understanding (and not judge or cut you off). Maybe for you, this involves expressing your annoyance to a sibling who keeps borrowing your clothes, or a longtime best friend who made a sarcastic (but hurtful) joke. Securely attached friends, however, work on navigating conflicts in a more constructive way. Their trust in the friendship and in their ability to handle conflict enables them to approach the situation with openness and empathy.

Use your senses to quickly relieve stress

• While it can be tempting to bottle up feelings like anger and frustration by not rocking the boat, conflict-avoiding tendencies can take a toll on your mental health.
• If you’re a visual person, for example, you can relieve stress by closing your eyes and imagining soothing images.
• By promoting constructive alternatives rooted in dialogue, empathy, and collaboration, individuals can transform conflicts into opportunities for growth, understanding, and reconciliation.
• The best way to navigate conflict or engage in a confrontation is from a neutral and regulated stance.

For example, maybe you had a parent who physically harmed you when they became angry. Or you were in an emotionally abusive relationship with a partner who stonewalled you when you disagreed with them. Let’s imagine you’re on vacation and you want to spend all your time at the beach while your BFF wants a museum buddy. There are lots of ways to solve for this that involve both of you winning. Maybe you split your time evenly, or maybe https://ecosoberhouse.com/ you come up with a third idea that hadn’t been on either of your radar—like a guided walk that gets you out in the sun and your friend immersed in culture.

What to do if: You’re caught in the middle between friends.

Having people who are there for you, support you, inspire you, and send you relatable memes (“lol it’s us”) is one of life’s greatest treasures. But that doesn’t mean you’ll never experience some tension (or, worse, a full-blown fight) with your friends. And that can be a major stressor in our lives, especially since most of us aren’t experts at how to handle conflicts in our friendships. Forgiveness is a powerful tool in resolving conflicts and moving forward in friendships. Holding onto resentment and grudges only perpetuates negativity and erodes trust.

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In South Africa, where the legacy of apartheid continues to shape social dynamics, cultivating a culture of constructive conflict resolution is essential for building a more just, inclusive, and resilient society. As friends and allies, we can support one another in embracing these principles and working towards a future defined by mutual respect, understanding, and peace. People often avoid conflicts in their friendships because they are afraid that actively addressing issues might lead to increased strain… or even end the relationship. However, conflicts in friendships are a natural and normal part of life.

Don’t just air a laundry list outlining what they’re doing wrong.

• The goal isn’t to send this letter exactly as written, but rather to release those bottled-up emotions for much-needed clarity.
• While you may feel uncomfortable with confrontation, it can often be the best way to resolve conflicts with your friends.
• The Social Skills Center is an excellent resource for individuals looking to improve their social skills and enhance their conflict resolution abilities.
• Avoidantly attached friends might become defensive or start yelling, which hinders effective communication.
• It’s also about ensuring that problematic issues (like the one with your co-worker) are dealt with so they don’t happen again in the future.

Or are you maybe comparing yourself to your friend more than you should? You might what is alcoholism just need to work on your own self-talk rather than confronting your person. What the research on conflict shows is that both perspective taking and controlling your anger are key to managing conflicts well.

Avoidantly attached friends might become defensive or start yelling, which hinders effective communication. They often fear the vulnerability that comes with deep communication, and anger is a way to protect themselves from having to engage. Part of them was always a little prepared for it to end, and they would rather walk away than be exposed to that openness and potential pain. He recommends something like, “I want to talk to you about something that’s been bothering me.

Differences in opinions, misunderstandings, unmet expectations, or external pressures can cause tensions. Recognizing that conflict is not inherently negative but an opportunity for growth is the first step toward resolution. Friendships are among the most valuable relationships we build in our lives. However, like any relationship, friendships can encounter conflicts that challenge their strength and longevity. Resolving these conflicts peacefully is essential to maintaining trust and harmony.

Stay Calm and Manage Emotions

This is how to deal with someone who avoids conflict especially important if you have spent most of your life avoiding conflict. Did anyone ever teach you how to engage in healthy communication even when you feel anxious or irritated? If not, you’re not alone, but it may mean that you simply haven’t properly developed the tools to approach conflict. But in an effort to keep peace, you may actually perpetuate more anxiety, tension, and disruption. Furthermore, you might be triggering the very disagreements you hope to avoid.

Once you can embody that all feelings are a valid part of your reality, they feel less taboo. However, certain emotions like shame, fear, helplessness, and loneliness can feel quite debilitating. Naming them internally allows you to privately announce that you’re feeling dysregulated. Completely avoiding conflict is an unrealistic goal- we can’t avoid disagreeing with people from time to time. Normalizing and even embracing this reality may reduce the stigma around such tension. Many people avoid conflict because they’ve had traumatic experiences with conflict in the past.

• Friendship is a precious bond that can bring joy, laughter, and support to our lives.
• Once you can embody that all feelings are a valid part of your reality, they feel less taboo.
• Be mindful of your tone and body language, aiming for a non-confrontational and empathetic approach.

Depending on how extreme the situation is, you might be able to preserve the friendship by upping your boundaries. Instead of making sweeping generalizations, Sagaram recommends zeroing in on specific actions. Maybe the message you want to get across is that they need to pay you back more promptly. Or the barista who got your order wrong isn’t “incompetent.” Rather, they used the wrong milk in your latte and you’d like a redo.

These research-backed tips can make your conflict discussions more constructive.

It’s helpful if both parties can agree on the goals of the conversation. If they mutually decide the goal of the discussion is to repair, not end the relationship, the conversation can lead to a constructive place where the relationship can grow. This is only possible if both people understand that repair, not ruin, is the intended end-game. Also, by positioning the conversation in this way, the conflict at hand is the “problem”, not each other. Despite your best efforts, some conflicts may prove challenging to resolve on your own. In such cases, don’t hesitate to seek outside help from a trusted mediator, counselor, or impartial third party.